View Full Version : Funny comeback lines

07-13-2009, 02:15 PM
Hollywood Squares:

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the Days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they Are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning

Q.Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q.As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

07-13-2009, 02:15 PM
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q.Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do ?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q.When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its ***?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two
Occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh!

found those at http://www.thegcfclan.com/index.php?page=11&CatID=16018

07-14-2009, 02:50 PM
Nice ones ... gotta remember a few of those .. :D

07-14-2009, 05:27 PM
Man: I know how to please a Woman.
Woman: Well, please leave me alone.

Friend: I've just come back from the Beauticians
You: Pity it was closed...

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You are going to yours, and I'm going to mine.

Friend: I've changed my mind...
You: Excellent, so does the new one work better?

Boss: Employees like that don't grow on trees you know...
You: How true Sir, they normally swing underneath them...

Brother: Why do you smell funny?
You: It's called Soap - don't think you've ever smelt it before...

Man: Hey there, haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, and that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Say, haven't we met before?
Woman: Yes, I'm the head Nurse at the VD clinic.

Wife: Darling, do you think I'll lose my looks as I get older
You: With luck, yes

How many people work in your office?
About half of them

You: I reckon you'd make a great exchange student.
Friend: Wow, you really think so?
You: Yes, we might be able to exchange you for someone nice.

08-02-2009, 06:10 AM
;D :) ;D :)

{FHR} Rock
08-02-2009, 11:54 AM
Hey Bean...those are from an OLD show called "The Hollywood Squares". It was a tv game show hosted by Peter Marshall, back in the seventies. It was set up like tic-tac-toe. By the way, Paul Lynde was the center square for most of them. It was very funny and racy for its day. I remember watching it, yup....I'm old lol....and someday you guys will be too so remember to be kind to those older than you, especially on the road lol. ;) :P 8)

08-02-2009, 12:56 PM
Hey Rock, well I can tell you from personal experience, I loved the show and many that came before it ;) ;D

yeah, it was amazing to hear those people have such great comeback lines so quickly. Paul Lynde was certainly the master and who's response was always the most anticipated. the game itself i don't think anyone really cared about ;D